Have you ever caught yourself thinking, nay positively ruminating on a slightly awkward interaction that happened recently? I’m sure for many of us, the answer is a little ashamed ‘yes’. And we’re not alone, the internet is absolutely filled with memes about suddenly remembering an embarrassing moment from 10 years ago, usually when you’re having fun or worse, trying to sleep.
So, this is your gentle reminder that not a single person is thinking about you. Okay that is a bit dramatic, but just like you and I are kinda consumed with thinking about ourselves and analysing every little interaction obsessively, so is basically everyone else. And I know you know, but do you really know?
If like me, you are a chronic overthinker, here are some tips that might help!
- IT IS WHAT IT IS
One of my favourite things to say for genuinely serious situations, but this is for my occasional overthinkers – those of you who are just dabblers. As soon as the memory hits you, let it wash over you and then force yourself to simply accept what happened. It is what it is, there is legit nothing you can do anymore and try to forget about it.
(Like I said, this one is for ‘Overthinkers Lite’)
2. LEARN FROM IT AND MOVE ON
As this fabulous comic portrays, the next time you get hit by an embarrassing memory, allow yourself a moment to ponder on what you’ve learnt and accept that things will be different next time. Then, let it go.
3. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK
Sometimes we can treat ourselves so cruelly, more cruelly than we might ever treat others. Give yourself grace, is it ACTUALLY that serious? If you told your favourite person in your life what would they say? Matter of fact, what would YOU say if they had come to you? Many of us don’t have the meanness to keep thinking about other people’s mistakes or the memory to be honest. And neither do most humans. Even if it was actually that serious, it’s okay. Remember that things fade with time – similar to news cycles, there is always something else that will capture people’s attention and your mishap will be slowly forgotten.
Humans are inherently forgetful creatures, even the Arabic word for human ‘insan/انسان’ is derived from the root word ‘nisyah/نسي’ which actually means forgetfulness. This also has a deeper meaning in Islam, for example with the story of Prophet Adam (AS) in Surah Ta-ha:
وَلَقَدْ عَهِدْنَآ إِلَىٰٓ ءَادَمَ مِن قَبْلُ فَنَسِىَ وَلَمْ نَجِدْ لَهُۥ عَزْمًۭا ١١٥
“And indeed, We once made a covenant with Adam, but he forgot, and ˹so˺ We did not find determination in him.” (Translation: Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran)
Allah SWT gives humankind so much grace for our ‘human-ness’, like being forgetful. Even in Ramadan, if you accidentally drank something because you forgot you were fasting, it’s okay. We are so generously given multiple chances to turn back to Him and seek forgiveness for our actions. To learn from them and grow (of course, not going back and doing the same thing repeatedly!). So if even our Creator the Most High, The All-Forgiving – ٱلْغَفُورُ, so kindly reminds us over and over again that He will forgive those who repent, should we then not forgive ourselves and treat ourselves with mercy?
There is such a strong culture in our religion of ‘rahma/رحمة’, mercy – it is one of the 99 names of Allah SWT, it is one of the names we call upon Allah SWT with every time we start anything with:
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ
I think we can confidently say that beating yourself up over something that has already happened is just not of Islam.
Which brings me nicely on to my final trick.
4. DO ISTIGFAR / ADKAAR
Now if you’re a chronic overanalyser, here’s a tip for you; every time the awkwardness hits you, start doing istighfar. Seriously, just immediately start saying:
Overthinking as a whole is considered to be from the Shaytan, as are things like feeling overly regretful and sliding into hopelessness. If every time you remember an embarrassing moment and you just can’t shake it, seeking Allah’s Forgiveness will give your brain something simple yet beneficial to get busy with AND the more you do it, the more it becomes a pretty useless avenue for the Shaytan to distract you. Thank you to my wise friend Salsabil for this one!
In the same vein, if you are finding yourself unable to control your thoughts, ask Allah SWT for help and make dua.
Now, hopefully the next time you’re drenched in sudden cold sweat after your brain has helpfully reminded you of an embarrassing situation, you’ll be armed and ready to fight your demons! Literally.
Would you consider yourself an overthinker? Do you have any tips for resetting your brain and did any of these resonate? Or are you of the lucky people who never mull over past moments?
That’s all for now!
